Could You Ever Love Me?
by Katrina Swan
Summary: The love that could never be at least in their opinion. Will the two risk everything they hold dear and follow their hearts or will they try and forget eachother. Rated PG-13 just in case. Chapter 4 is up! RR
1. I will always love you

Disclaimer: I don't own any of Tamora Pierces Books! I just wish. . . And I didn't write the song There She Goes either! That would be Sixpence None the Richer

Chapter 1: I'll always love you! 

"How could you," she demanded angrily. 

"How could I what?" I asked teasingly. She is so beautiful, I wonder if she knows. I love it when she's mad.

"Ughh you know," she said scowling at me.

"Uh no, I don't," I replied, a sly smile appearing across my face. I did know, but making her admit it would be fun.

"You said **IT.**"

"I haven't the faintest clue what you're talking about."

"Come on, you just said **IT. **I said if you ever said **IT,** I would hurt you."

"Once again it?" I asked looking smug. Can't she tell I'm just teasing her. I guess not, she does have quite a temper. 

She just gave me a disbelieving look. 

"What?" I asked innocently. 

silence She just sat there, glaring at me with her beautiful purple amethyst eyes.

"Ok, fine. I said it, wow, big deal. It, it, it, it." I had to bite down on my lip, I was trying my best not to laugh. 

"You know very well I didn't mean it, I meant **IT**!"

"We've discussed this. And nothing you've said so far has given me any indication of what it is. " 

"Because you know very well what I'm talking about."

"I yield, why do you care so much," I said jokingly. I know she loves to win maybe she'll calm down now. 

"I told you never to say **IT.**"

"But I meant it. I'll say it again. I-"

"No, don't," she interrupted furiously. "I swear if you ever tell me you love me again, I'll-" she stopped leaving me to imagine what she'd do to me. Images of a sword going onto my body came to mind.

"I'm sorry I mentioned it. But I do love you." I regretted the words too late.

She punched me hard in the stomach. "Do you like pain or something?"

I doubled over clutching my stomach. "Of course, I'm in love with it," I said breathlessly, emphasizing the love. I don't care if she hurts me I have to tell her how I feel and that I really mean it.

She just turned around walking in the opposite direction. "Damn," I whispered softly. I never loved Thayet. It was just a stupid idea I had. I thought maybe if I asked Thayet to marry me Alanna would be jealous and confess to me that she loved me still as much as I loved her. But no she went and accepted George's proposal and left me with Thayet. Now I actually have to marry Thayet and in 5 months Alanna's marrying George. I never stopped loving Alanna, even though everyone thinks I like Thayet. Sure the girl is beautiful but no one could replace Alanna in my heart. Alanna has something more then looks, her beauty goes deep within. She was my first and one true love. But she left me, and my pride was hurt. I was a fool to let it happen.

__

There she goes

There she goes again  
Racing through my brain  
And I just can't contain  
This feeling that remains  
  
There she goes  
There she goes again  
Pulsing through my veins  
And I just can't contain  
This feeling that remains

I'm not going to be a fool this time. "No wait Alanna, don't go," I had pushed her too far. I just wanted her to know my true feelings.

"I warned you Jon," she said turning around suddenly, her eyes bright with anger and for a brief second I thought I glimpsed fear. No, Alanna isn't afraid of anything, I must have been imagining things.

__

There she goes  
There she goes again  
She calls my name,  
Pulls my train  
No one else could heal my pain  
And I just can't contain  
This feeling that remains

"Please," I said with a puppy dog look in my eyes. Maybe that would change her mind. I know how girls fall all over themselves with a look like that from me. 

"Jon it's over, it could never be again. I'm sorry but that's the way things have to be," she said tears glinting in her eyes. 

I know she is stubborn but so am I, "But-" she silenced my mouth with a kiss. A deep passionate kiss. I was stunned. Then just as quickly as it happened she stopped.

"Goodbye," she whispered, turned away, and ran. 

  
  
_There she goes  
There she goes again  
Racing through my brain  
And I just can't contain  
This feeling that remains  
  
There she goes  
There she goes again  
Chasing down my lane  
And I just can't contain  
This feeling that remains_

"I'll always love you," I called after her.

__

There she goes  
There she goes  
There she goes

A/N Well that's the first chapter to my first story! Review please. Who should Alanna end up with? If I get enough reviews telling me to, I might make it happier! I know it was kinda sad, but I was listening to the song and it's sad so I was in a sad mood! Oh also tell me if you think everything should turn out resolved in the end or if someone just has to get hurt. K review please! 


	2. Trading Insults

A/N Much thanks to all my reviewers: (u can give yourselves a pat on the back)

Arianla: Thanks I'll try and clear that up and I reviewed your story again!

Robinwyn: Thanks to you too. My first reviewer! YAY! Claps hands I was so excited when I read it and I'm glad u liked my story. I'm gonna try and make this chap a bit happier. . . maybe depends, I'm listening to White Flag, by Dido right now by so you never know! Most likely it will turn out like the last chapter. 

Kayla: Hey Cinders guess wat I fixed it! So now, u don't have to go on my account to review my fic u can just send an anonymous one. 

Kelly: Guess what? I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts. . . There they are a standing in a row. . . Big ones small ones some as big as your head! If this sucks it's because I had that song stuck in my head! Ha Ha Lillian would like the boulders.

Starlight Wolf: C I'm continuing it! And there one step closer to not being heartbroken. . . Maybe it will all work out! Depends, not really sure at the moment.

Hint: I might use that for a song fic in my next chapter in Jonathon's point of view hehe! Tell me if you think I should! And vote who Alanna should end up with A/J or A/G! Oh and case you didn't get it the girl in the last chapter was Alanna and the y guy or "I" was Jonathon! K enough babbling!

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Italics= Alanna's inner voice thoughts

Chapter 2: Trading Insults

A/N Much thanks to all my reviewers: (u can give yourselves a pat on the back)

Arianla: Thanks I'll try and clear that up and I reviewed your story again!

Robinwyn: Thanks to you too. My first reviewer! YAY! Claps hands I was so excited when I read it and I'm glad u liked my story. I'm gonna try and make this chap a bit happier. . . maybe depends, I'm listening to White Flag, by Dido right now by so you never know! Most likely it will turn out like the last chapter. 

Kayla: Hey Cinders guess wat I fixed it! So now u don't have to go on my account to review my fic u can just send an anonymous one. 

Kelly: Guess what? I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts. . . There they are a standing in a row. . . Big ones small ones some as big as your head! If this sucks it's because I had that song stuck in my head! Ha Ha Lillian would like the boulders.

Starlight Wolf: C I'm continuing it! And there one step closer to not being heartbroken. . . Maybe it will all work out! Depends, not really sure at the moment.

Hint: I might use that for a song fic in my next chapter in Jonathon's point of view hehe! Tell me if you think I should! And vote who Alanna should end up with A/J or A/G! Oh and case you didn't get it the girl in the last chapter was Alanna and the y guy or "I" was Jonathon! K enough babbling!

__

Italics= Alanna's inner voice thoughts

"Italics"=Alanna's thoughts

Chapter 2: Trading Insults

I just kept running, tears threatening to burst from my eyes. _Get a grip on yourself Alanna. You don't cry you're a Lady Knight for goddess sake. Don't tell me you're going to cry over a little thing like Jonathon being the prig he is! _(A/N sorry for that Jon fans but Alanna is mad right now) "I'm not crying over Jonathon. I have eyelash in my eye."_ Sure _her inner voice retorted. _You're just scared. Alanna the first lady Knight in over a century, the kings champion, who battled for the Dominion Jewel to bring home for the glory of Tortall, is a scardy cat. You just don't want to face your feelings. You're still in love with Jonathan. "_I am not, wait why am I arguing with my inner voice. I'll just go prove to myself I'm not in love with him. I will- well I don't know what I'm going to do but I'll do something. I just have to go turn around and face Jonathon. Ha, there he is sitting where I left him I'll show him." _Now Alanna, _that little annoying voice warned, _don't let your temper get the better of you like it did last time._ "I know what I'm doing_. _"You jerk! You idiotic, foolish, moronic, improper, feather headed, misbehaved, blockheaded, buffoon," I screamed at him.

__

"Alanna what did I do?" asked Jonathon cowering under Alanna's hateful gaze. 

"You Jonathon of Conte are the most stupid, bug-eyed creep, ninny, to ever walk this earth! You pin headed, sap-sculled idiot, you inconsiderate, dim-witted fool."

"How dare you talk to me like that, I'm the King!"

"So, you deserved it." I said getting my temper under control again. _There I showed him! _

"I deserved it, you're the one who kissed me and ran away," Jonathon said with disbelief. 

"Well I was tying to tell you that it's over, it was a goodbye."

"If it was a goodbye then why did you come back," retorted Jonathon.

"Because I just wanted to tell you that you are a sissy pants weakling. You, you," I stuttered at a lost what to say, "smelly ogre."

"Now don't you think we're a bit old to be doing childish things like having a name calling contest."

"No," I'll just leave now. I got my anger out and I'm fine. That kiss meant nothing to me. Nothing at all, he's getting married to Thayet and I'm getting married to George. That's how it's supposed to be. _Or is it, _damn that reasonable part of my mind. As long as he doesn't stare at me with those deep sapphire blue eyes of his I'll be fine.

"I know why you came back," Jonathon finally said breaking the awkward silence. 

"Why then oh wise and mighty King?" How can he know, I don't even know why I came back.

"You came back," Jonathon said then paused.

"Go on, I'm dying to hear this crazy theory of yours."

"Now don't interrupt Alanna, you came back because you realized that you still love me."

"I did not, of all the ridiculous things, I most certainly don't love you Jonathon and wouldn't even if you were the last person alive." I exclaimed. How dare he make assumptions like that! _Even if there true? _"Plus I love George."

"No you just pretend to, you don't love him Alanna. Even if you think you do. He's nothing more to you then a friend. You love him as a brother as you loved Thom. How do I know, I know because it's the same way I feel about Thayet. Except err as a sister.

She would make a wonderful queen, except for one thing. I don't love her, I love you I always will. And I know no one would make a better Queen than you no matter how you might try to deny it."

"It's too late," I said sadly. Now why did he have to go and say things like that, and those eyes. Just starring at me and pleading for me to say yes, to try again and make things better. 

"No Alanna it's not." 

"Yes it is, it's been too late for a long time. I am getting married and so are you! Maybe we should have had this discussion before we became engaged to other people." Why did this have to happen, I was over him then he had to come and say these things. Making me regret ever leaving him and saying no.

"None of that matters right now. I love you, and I wanted to know if you felt the same?" 

I couldn't answer. So we sat there in silence. It seemed like we just starred at each other for an eternity. I found myself lost in pools a dark blue. My heart beat racing. That feeling inside that I knew shouldn't be there, the feeling that I only felt around Jonathon and not George. Gods why did life have to be so complicated.

__

"Because you were meant to be," said a soft voice out of nowhere.

Jonathon just leaned closer and closer towards me. He stopped right before my face. I could feel the warmth of his breathe spreading over my face. "I might kiss you," was all he said.

Oh no! I panicked. I wanted him to kiss me so badly. I let all common sense escape my mind. Nothing in the world remained except him. Breathlessly I said gazing into his eyes, "I might let you. . ."

A/N ooh that was evil I left u guys I cliffy. So srry, but I'm having writers block because of the coconut song! That's y it was so short. Review please maybe it will help me think of more ideas! Should Alanna let Jon kiss her? Will George or Thayet walk in on them . . .? Who knows! E-mail me if u have any suggestions or just review! Luv u all! 


	3. It has to End

Disclaimer: I own none of these characters. . .

Robinwyn: Thanks 4 the review again. I read u're bio and I get what u're saying! I still do like ideas from other people just to see where the story could go but it doesn't mean I'll necessarily use them. The story just goes with whatever seems right. 

I just leaned closer and closer towards her. I stopped right before her face, her beautiful face. The desire that rose up within me as I looked at her, the wanting and longing that I never felt with Thayet consumed me. All my thoughts turned to Alanna. "I might kiss you," was all I said.

"I might let you. . . But I can't."

I looked up at her and saw the fear in her eyes. She was scared. "Why?" I asked softly.

"It's wrong, Jon we're both engaged. We are both adults and we have certain responsibilities that we have to uphold. Jon you're the King you should love someone who could be a good Queen. Not a lady Knight whose whole life has been involved in scandal."

I just sighed. There she went again with responsibility. "Alanna you know I don't care about you being a lady Knight so no one else will. You are my champion people didn't like it at first but they eventually accepted the fact. If we were married they would eventually accept the fact as well." How could she not see how I loved her so much? I would break my engagement with Thayet in a second if I knew the she loved me and would marry me. How can she tell me to love someone else when I never will?

__

I know you think that I shouldn't still love you,   
I'll tell you that.  
But if I didn't say it, well I'd still have felt it   
where's the sense in that?   
  
I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder   
Or return to where we were   
  
Well I will go down with this ship   
And I won't put my hands up and surrender   
There will be no white flag above my door   
I'm in love and always will be

She didn't respond we just sat there again in silence. Everything else was peaceful, the moon illuminating everything and the sound of water falling in the fountain behind us. Finally she said, "We are too alike you and I, we would never survive marriage. We both argue too much and are too stubborn to admit when we're wrong. After our fight in the desert we didn't talk for months. I don't want that. I just want to be friends and nothing more. I will marry George and you will marry Thayet that's how things should be. You'll forget all about me soon and you will learn to love Thayet and you'll be happy."

"If that's how you feel," I responded. She kissed me on the cheek and got up to leave, when we heard footsteps approaching. 

Alanna recognized who it was first and yelled, "George!" She ran up to him. He picked her up spun her and kissed her deeply and she kissed back. My heart shattered into a million pieces. How I envied George, he was the one that she kissed. He was the one who would have her by his side forever. I stood up to go greet him. Seeing me he just smirked. When I was younger we had sort of a competition going to see who could get Alanna to love them first. I had won but then he stole her heart away after our fight. I should've done something then maybe things would have been different. The things we said back in the desert I know destroyed everything. It was all my fault she went to him I should have done something.

__

I know I left too much mess and   
destruction to come back again   
And I caused but nothing but trouble   
I understand if you can't talk to me again   
And if you live by the rules of "it's over"   
then I'm sure that that makes sense 

  
George did. I should have known he would do something too. He was a thief after all. What more is stealing hearts then money? I loved her and she loved me but now she's gone. She loves him but I still love her. I would just have to deal with the consequences. 

__

Well I will go down with this ship   
And I won't put my hands up and surrender   
There will be no white flag above my door   
I'm in love and always will be

Though I did envy George he was still one of my best friends. So I walked over to where Alanna and George were standing. I had to give up and move on with my life it's what she wanted. I can't take away the happiness she has with George. For her sake I have to give up loving her. It would be too awkward she was my champion I would most likely see her all the time so she has to think I don't love her. 

__

  
  
And when we meet   
Which I'm sure we will   
All that was then   
Will be there still   
I'll let it pass   
And hold my tongue   
And you will think   
That I've moved on.... 

I never would though. I knew that deep down in my heart no matter how hard I might try nothing would change.   
  
_Well I will go down with this ship   
And I won't put my hands up and surrender   
There will be no white flag above my door   
I'm in love and always will be _

"George," I said, "back so soon." I had sent him on a mission to Tuisane. He had been getting reports that they were trying to rebuild their army. It seemed silly that they would try to go to war after we had just recently beaten them in the war for the Drell Valley. 

"Yes but with not such good news."

Oh no what could the problem be now? "What did you find out?" I asked.

"Maybe we should discuss this somewhere else," he suggested. 

"Then why don't we go to the council room Meet me there in 15 minutes. Alanna help me find Gary, Raoul, and the rest of the people on my council. They should probably hear this as well."

"Ok Jon."

I walked back inside the palace wondering what was to come. I don't know but I just had a bad feeling about it all.

A/N Ok another chapter done. Sorry nothing much happened in this chapter but I had to introduce the problem. Uh oh what's going to happen with Tuisane. . . Ummm I don't know yet so I had to leave you wit a cliff hanger! Srry well please review, I'll try to write more soon. Oh if you didn't know that chapter was from Jon's point of view and the song I used was White Flag by Dido. Please review. . .


	4. How Could This Happen?

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters you recognize from the Tamora Pierce books

A/N Hey I'm back again! Thanks to all my reviewers! It means a lot that u took the time to review! Srry I haven't updated a lot but I've been busy with school and I have lacrosse 3 times a week. . . Also, we just got back from Spring Break so I can't be lazy anymore! My spring break was lot's of fun I saw the Prince and Me, which I thought was such a sweet movie, went to Bush Gardens even though it's like 3 hours away from my house, and I went to the Maryland vs., Navy lacrosse game! Maryland lost tear L Oh also about the italics I didn't mean for that to happen it just kinda did. I'm not sure how to fix it seeing as when I uploaded it, it wasn't like that! If you have any suggestions e-mail me or put it in a review! Also, in case you were wondering or didn't figure it out this is right after Lioness Rampant before Alanna and George have married and before Jon and Thayet have married. Well here's the next chapter. . .

****

Chapter 4: This can't be happening

Alanna looked around the room. On her right sat George and seated on her left was Myles. Next to Myles sat Gary and Buri. Across the table sat the Provest (A/N Is that right I'm not exactly sure what to call him?) Duke Gareth, Duke Baird, and Raoul. Jon sat at the head of the table with Thayet next to him. Everyone had a look of a confusion on their face, except for Jon, he just looked distant, and George, who looked grim. Even though he new that the news was bad he still looked so composed so kingly. She could never tell him but it was at times like these that she was truly in awe of him. How he handled everything so smoothly. As Jon cleared his throat, everyone in the room fell silent. Alanna's could not shake the feeling that there was something important coming. Something she had to do. "Ugh can he just tell us the bad news already the suspense is really getting to me," she thought.

"I know most of you are wondering why I've called this meeting but I'm afraid there is some bad news. George," he nodded his head signaling George to report the news.

"I've just come back from a scouting mission in Tuisane and it seems that they are preparing for a war. And all my reports say they want revenge on us. I know we thought after winning the Drell Valley War we would finally be at peace, but it seems they are getting outside help. Helping them are the Copper Isles. They have not declared war yet but we believe it is only a matter of time. The Copper Islanders are quite angry with the death of their Princess Josiane. They want revenge on Tortall, especially you Alanna."

"Me, they are going to declare war on us because I defended myself against that crazy woman. How dare they, do they know she killed Faithful and Master Si-cham she deserved to die," Alanna said angrily.

"Calm down Alanna, no one here blames you it's just an excuse for them to declare war," Duke Gareth said.

"My decision I've come to on this matter is we need to avoid war at all costs. Tortall is not ready we are still dealing with the aftermath of the coronation. We have only recently caught the rest of the rebels, the palace is still being re-modeled, and we do not have the funding for this war or the men. Many are still injured or are healing they need rest. We will schedule peace talks and each night there will a ball. And hopefully we can prevent this war," said Jon. 

"I'll inform the Master of Protocol (Can't remember his name)," Gary suggested. 

"I'll go tell the Own to start preparing just in case these peace talks don't work. Do some extra training to keep them ready," Raoul said as he excused himself. 

"The rest of you are free to go," Jon said. 

"That was a short meeting," George whispered to Alanna.

"Were you expecting it to last longer?" she questioned.

"I didn't expect Jon to come up with a solution so quick, it's like he knew it was coming."

"Hmm," was all Alanna said.

"Are you alright?"  
"Yeah I'm fine," Alanna said vaguely.

"You seem distant," George said concerned.

"I just have a bad feeling about all of this like there's a black cloud hanging over us."

"Have you had a warning from the goddess?"

"No, this is just my instinct, it's probably nothing."

"Alright, is that all?"

"Yeah I'm fine George."

"Ok," he said and started to kiss her.

Alanna pulled back, "I have to go. I'll see you at dinner."

"I'll be there," said George a worried look on his face. 

Alanna quickly walked to the stables and mounted Moonlight. The pink and orange sky passed by quickly in front of her it was all just a blur just like the rest of the world. She couldn't figure this out. Why couldn't she kiss George? Why was she trying to distance herself from him? She loved him, didn't she? But a pair of sapphire blue eyes were haunting her thoughts. Alanna just sat watching the sunset. The bright colors scattered in the sky. All the colors, there weren't even words to describe the beauty of it. How something as simple as a sunset could take the breathe out of her body. Everyone knows the beauty of a sunset, but when it leaves you feel a sort of emptiness. You miss the warmth and comfort of it, the sun shining in the sky. Sure, you think it will always be there but what would happen if it just stopped. What if the sun just went away? And then it never came back. The world turned dark and cold but then you got used to it. The pain of the suns leaving is gone you're content again, in a world of darkness. You find the night sky is just as beautiful. The shimmering black blue, stars shining in the sky. You find a new comfort one that you feel safe in all that darkness. But then you have a chance to get the sun back, but the stars and the darkness would leave forever. Which would you pick? "This shouldn't be this hard," thought Alanna furiously. "What I had with Jonathon is over it could never be again. Then why am I still thinking about him?" 

__

[Mandy] Ninety miles outside Chicago   
Can't stop driving I don't know why  
So many questions....Need an answer  
Two years later your still on my mind . . .

Jonathon sat in the conference room still, Thayet's head resting on his shoulder. Why couldn't he just be happy? He had a beautiful woman willing to marry him and that should have been enough. _But she's no Alanna _the treacherous part of his mind thought. "I just have to stop thinking about her, she said herself she doesn't love me. _But that could change, you know how stubborn she is, she just won't admit it._ This is just too frustrating, I cannot even handle her being any where near George. Whenever I see them together this uncontrollable rage just rises in me, I should be happy for him, he's my friend but I'm not," thought Jon silently. Sure, he and George had a lot in common something that made them good friends , but he just wasn't Alanna. She was always the best friend he ever had. They had always been there for each other. She had saved his life countless times and he had helped to save her life twice. "I know she's mad at me, she didn't say a word to me the whole meeting."

"Jon," Thayet said interrupting his thoughts. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

"Are you sure, you just seem really distant lately."

"I'm sure." 

She sensed that he didn't want to talk anymore and he appreciated it. "Do you mind if I go talk to Buri?"

"No go ahead"

"Bye," she said as she kissed him softly and walked out of the door. Jonathon just sighed and ran his hand through his hair. He looked out the window it was already dark. He just sat starring at the endless dark blue sky filled with sparkling white specs. 

__

  
  
[Jonathan] Whatever happened to Amelia Airheart?   
Who hold the stars up in the sky?  
Is true love just once in a lifetime?

[Both] Did the captain of Titanic cry? 

Alanna still sat on her horse just starring into the sky. "Life used to be simple, she thought. "_Probably more boring too," _a voice said in her head that sounded remarkably like Faithful. That brought tears to her eyes, remembering him, her faithful companion. How she wished Faithful were here right now, he always helped her so much. Things would be clearer and she might not feel so sorry for herself. Thinking of Faithful turned her thoughts to Thom. Ever since he died Alanna felt as if a part of her was missing, her other half. She missed Liam too. When she'd wake up early in morning readying herself for a lesson with the Shang Dragon she had to remind herself that he was dead too. Why did everyone she cared about have to die on her? "At least I still have Jonathon. No, I cannot think about him. I have George who I love dearly. Jonathon has Thayet. That's how it's meant to be or fate would have made it different," Alanna thought sadly. 

__

Oh, Someday we'll know   
[Mandy] If love can move mountain  
[Both] Someday we'll know  
[Jonathan] Why the sky is blue   
[Both] Someday we'll know  
Why I wasn't meant for you...

Jonathon got up out of the chair and walked out the door. He didn't pay attention to wear he was going, he just walked. When he stoped he realized he had wandered into the gardens. In front of him was a bench. The bright yellow moon shining brightly high up in the sky above. It casted a beam of light upon the bench, lighting up the whole area. Jonathon remembered a time many years ago he had spent at this very bench and it wretched his heart. 

__

Flashback 

He was waiting for her beside the bench whereshe had left her cloak.

"Hullo," he said casually, holding the garment up. "I think this is yours."

Alanna slid the wig from her hair. "How did you know it was me Jonathon?"

He came forward, taking one of her hands in his. "I guessed. And then I saw how you walked and I was sure."

Alanna made a face. "Mistress Cooper tries to cure me of walking like a boy, but it doesn't seem to take."

Jonathon lifted the gold charm of her throat, examining it. "What's this?" he asked. His voice was soft and warm.

"It's a charm to--- keep me from having children," she stammered. "Mistress Cooper gave it to me a---a long time ago."

Jon chuckled. "Have you ever tried it out?" he asked putting his free arm around her. Alanna braced herself against his chest.

Jonathon stopped kissing her, only to stop unlacing her bodice.

Alanna shoved him away a terrified expression on her face. "No!" she gasped, grabbing her laces. "I was crazy to think--- Jonathon please!"

The Prince realizing she was trembling, her hands shaking too badly to lace herself. He shook his head and did the work for her.

"You're fighting what has to be," he said, "and you know it as well as I do."

"I---I know no such thing," she stammered. "I promised myself once that I'd never love a man! Maybe I almost broke that promise just now because of moonlight and silliness---"

"Stop it," he told her sternly. He made her look up at him. "We belong to each other. Is that silliness? Surely you've realized all along this had to happen." When she did not answer, he sighed. "Go away, before I change my mind.

end of flashback

Jonathon sighed at the memory. She had been scared of love then, but he won her heart eventually. 

__

flashback

She rapped on the door between their rooms. "Jon?"

He opened the door. His eyes were bright as he looked at her. Alanna swallowed. "I'm scared. Help me, please."

Jonathon's voice was rough as he said, "I'm scared, too. At least we can be scarred together,"

End of flashback

And then he let his pride and stuborness loose it all. How he regretted that day in the desert. They had both lost their tempers and called each other unforgivable things. He had called her un-feminine and she had called him spoiled. All this was because he wasn't willing to wait to marry Alanna. Jonathon started walking again but he kept coming back to the bench as if it would change things. Make them the way they were before their fight before he was king.

__

[Mandy] Does anybody know the way to Atlantis?   
[Jonathan] What the wind says when she cries?  
[Mandy] I'm speeding by the place that I met you  
  
[Both] For the ninety-seventh time...Tonight

Alanna thought of times before the Coronation rebelion when she and Jon were happy together. That one day in the desert changed everything. It broke things beyond repair. And that scared her. She never wanted to loose Jon's friendship. After their first fight, they didn't talk for months. She moved on to George and then to Liam. He moved on as well. And then when she came back with Thayet he seemed to fall in love with her. He would be happy with Thayet, not like how he'd feel if he married her. Alanna knew if they were married, they probably would hate each other within weeks. Both of them were to stuborn and like having their own way. And Jon was King, Alanna wasn't ready to be Queen and deal with the responsibilities that came with it. There was no way she and Jon could be married a live happily especially since he is the King. Thayet on the other hand would make a perfect Queen. Wasn't it her idea in the first place to set them up? 

__

Someday we'll know   
[Mandy] If love can move mountain  
_[Both] Someday we'll know  
[Jonathan] Why the sky is blue   
[Both] Someday we'll know  
Why I wasn't meant for you...  
Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah_

"Why is she so scared?" thought Jon. "She doesn't see I love her. That we were meant for each other. I've always known that, felt that. And there was a time when she felt like that too! Why can't we go back to that. . . Before it's too late."

__

Someday we'll know   
[Jonathan] Why Sampson loved Dalilah?  
[Both] One day I'll go  
[Mandy] Dancing on the moon  
[Both] Someday you'll know  
That I was the one for you....

"It's too late," thought Alanna bitterly. "I love him. I don't know why it's taken this long for me to realize it, but I do. Why else would I feel this way. I've finally found the one thing that I'd lost but I can never have it. Why does this have to happen to me? I love him, gods I do so much! I want to be with him but it's just not meant to be,"

__

[Both] Open up the world   
  
[Mandy] I bought a ticket to the end of the rainbow  
  
[Jonathan] Watched the stars crash in the sea  
  
[Mandy] If I can ask God just one question  
  
[Both] Why aren't you here with me tonight?

Oh, Someday we'll know   
[Jonathan] If love can move a mountain  
[Both] Someday we'll know  
[Mandy] Why the sky is blue   
[Both] Someday we'll know  
Why I wasn't meant for you... 

Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah

"Mithros, Great Mother Goddess please let her realize I love her before I make the biggest mistake of my life. Or else she'll never know just how much I love her. . ." 

Someday we'll know   
[Jonathan] Why Sampson loved Dalilah  
[Both] One day I'll go  
[Mandy] Dancing on the moon  
[Both] Someday you'll know  
That I was the one for you....

A/N There you go a nice long chapter I think. Sorry if that's a bit confusing it goes back and forth between Jon and Alanna's poit of view. Oh and in the flashbacks there not exactly like the book because I left out how Alanna was feeling cuz Jon can't read her mind and it's his flashback. Oh and sorry about any grammar and spelling issues it's pretty late at night and I'm a bit tiered. Uh oh George and Thayet suspect somethings wrong they may have to spend some quality time together trying to figure out what's wrong. LOL! And a ball coming up that should be interesting. Oh if you were wondering the song was Someday We'll Know by Mandy Moore and Jonathon Foreman.(No Jon wasn't singing randomly they just happen to have the same name.) Please review tell me what you think if you want it to stay A/J suggestions for further chapters anything really just review! Wow this is my longest chapter yet 7 pages!


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